This is how I spent naptime today. We were talking about cheering people up today in school, and Bella and Judah both said they needed cheering up, and honestly, so did I. So I thought this might do the trick. Family cookies~Daddy, Mommy, Judah, Bella, & Justice. Letter A and Number 4 in a repeating pattern. Baseball cookies for the boys. Heart cookies for Bella. Everyone loved them, even Daddy and his “perfect women” who is sweet and doesn’t nag ;) Success…happy family = happy mommy 
We had our first soccer practice Wednesday, and it went well. I enjoyed meeting all the girls and their parents. They were all sweet and seemed very excited and ready to play, except for maybe the coach’s daughter…yes, Bella. She was preoccupied with the grass and dirt, among other things. Anyways, here some pics Jason snapped of all the action.
I read this today from Come Away My Beloved and I just can’t seem to get past it. So here it is, no more, no less:
Walk On With Me
“Make me walk in the path of Your commandments, for I delight in it.” ~Psalm 119:35
My child, the path of duty is before you. It may look rugged, but it is the only way of divine blessing. Choose some other way, and you shall find only disappointment and frustration of soul. Weariness shall overtake you on the smoothest road, if it is not the pathway of My ordained will. Be not deceived by doubts and be not detained by fears. Move into the center of My purposes for you. You shall find glorious victories are waiting for you, and recompenses far exceeding every sacrifice. Be obedient: you will bring joy to My heart. Neither the applause nor the scorn of others should be of any consequence to you. My approval is reward enough, and without this, any other satisfaction is not worthy of pursuit. Walk on with Me. I will be very near to give you support and encouragement, so you have nothing to warrant your fears. They will vanish as you obey.
Tonight I’m wondering about my future. Presently, I am deeply sunken in Mommyhood, spending all of my days taking care of our 4 year old, 3 year old, and 1.5 year old. I am woken up at 7 am every morning, after having at least a couple of extras end up in our bed some time during the night, usually by the pouncing, and jumping, and laughing, and squealing of all 3 of our children…or by my husband who informs me that he’s walking out the door and our children are awake and waiting for breakfast…or by the screams that come from my extremely, melodramatic, 3 year old daughter, who is being antagonized by either one of her brothers. There is, however, the rare occasion that I do actually wake up at 5 am, the time I set my alarm for to ensure that I have enough time to myself…to dress, fellowship with God, enjoy the quiet, and to not feel like a zombie. So then my day usually consists of fixing our meals and then cleaning up the kitchen (at least 3 times a day), rushing my little girl to the potty and cleaning up the mess if we didn’t make it on time, making the beds, picking up toys and trying to get the kids to actually help (usually a dozen times). And then, either vacuuming, laundry, or other cleaning, and trying to remember to stop and play with the kids, or read my Bible, or to just sit. Then putting the kids down for their nap, picking up the toys (again), putting the kids back in their beds (a number of times), and then finally getting to enjoy the quiet with some solitude or a nap for myself. And then, going to the grocery store, or meeting family for dinner, or a service at church, coming back home to put everyone in bed, trying to keep them in their beds, picking up the toys (yet again), and hopefully, if I’m not already asleep at this point, finishing up any unfinished chores and spending time with my Hubby. It is exhausting, and sometimes overwhelming, but it is my life, and I love it.
I do, however, have nights like tonight where I wonder, what will I do when this season is past? What am I going to do when my kids are older and involved in things that don’t include me? I know that they are not the sum total of who I am, but right now they take up so much of me that it’s hard to see anything different for me.
I use to enjoy writing, and was actually majoring in journalism at one time. I was also majoring in early childhood and special education when I graduated from the local college with a 4.0 and an associates in arts and humanities, having taken and aced chemistry 104 and 105. At one point I was planning on going to the Hair Design School, not because it was the only other option outside of college, but because it was an actual passion of mine. I have a harp, and used to take lessons, and I have self-learned to play the piano. I’ve attempted, but not yet conquered the guitar, and one of my secret desires is to own and play a ukulele. I sing and play for one of our worship teams at church, and help lead other worship/prayer sets that we have throughout the week. I am a “Mary” deep down, in that I love to worship and just sit in the presence of Jesus.
I love God, and I love my family, and I am very comfortable with my identity being in Him and in them. But I still wonder some times, is there more that I’m supposed to be doing? Should I be going back to school, or do something else to prepare myself for the other seasons that will come in life? How do all the things that I love and have a passion for work together into an actual path for me to walk on?
In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. ~Proverbs 3:6
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” ~Isaiah 30:21
Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. ~Proverbs 16:3
Sometimes tears are the healing rain…
This day has done a number on me. I’m pretty sure my nerves found their breaking point. So I sit here with my heart breaking and tears falling…sometimes tears are the healing rain; I pray that they are tonight.
Tears are falling down tonight
My heart breaking wide open
I seemed to have lost my sight
But still I am hoping
That the tears that I am crying
Will bring what I need
Death can stop its dying
Life is imparted to me
The smell of rain* waves crashing on my toes* watching the birds outside my window* Judah’s hand on my face* the sun on my back* the wind on my face* Jason’s hand on the small of my back* the taste of homemade vanilla ice cream* the smell of lilies* reading a book in bed during a rainstorm* the feeling I get after watching a good movie* the baby smell* the sunrise* the sunset* a rainbow* any kind of baby animal* the smell of clean linen* the warmth of Jason’s body when I’m cold at night* the pair of doves that nest in our yard* floating in water while I’m pregnant* the smell of oranges* Judah’s voice in the morning* Kyle* Kayla* Keri*Jacob* holding hands with my husband* the sound of Christmas morning at my mom and dad’s house* driving in the car with really good music and really good friends* the smell of coffee* staying up late at camp* coming home to a clean house* looking up at the stars on a clear summer night* the smell of a swimming pool in the summer* sharing girl moments with my sister while in the hot tub* sitting in my daddy’s lap* the phone call with my mom every day* waiting for Jason at the door when he comes home* the way my brother-in-law looks at my sister* white billowy clouds in a beautiful blue sky* laughing with my baby brother*Arabella’s hair*Judah’s eyes* Justice face* jamming with Brandon*walking along the shoreline*the way Judah says “Sis Sis”*the way Justice squeals at Judah and Bella*the way they all laugh together* how excited they get over simple things* the way they squeeze in between me & Jason when we hug* and how generous they are with their loving affection…these are a few of my favorite things…may they keep my heart ever turned towards you God, for you are in everything
Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you; Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you; Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you…
As I was sitting here, trying to find the words to pray for a real need I have, all I could hear was “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” And I’m finding great comfort in these words — words reminding me to take my eyes off my “issues” and to just seek Him. I don’t have to worry and strive to find the solutions to my problems; He is in control. And any effort on my part would be in vain anyway.
So, I close my eyes and try to find what is on the heart of God…What’s on your heart God? What do you want my mind fixed on? What is Your Kingdom? What does Your kingdom look like? And the next sound I hear is a cry, and the pitter-patter of my little one’s feet coming down the stairs, prematurely awakened from his nap. Perfect, just what I need when I’m trying so hard to hear what God is saying. But it was perfect, completely perfect, all too perfect. It was God’ perfect timing. Though I didn’t realize it at first, He was answering my questions. Because the kingdom of God is in the face of my children, and every time I attend to them, I am going about my Father’s business; I am manifesting the righteousness, joy, and peace of His kingdom. And let me never forget Jesus’s words, “…the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.” And to serve my children, is to serve the throne of God. To be a home-maker is to be an ambassador of Christ. And “To love another, is to see the face of God.” ~ Victor Hugo
My Beauties
Sometimes it’s easy to forget why we have chosen the path that we’re walking down, especially when we hear of other’s success and we consider what we could be doing, or when life’s frustrations seem to usurp our daily activities. And how easy it is to compare what we have with what our friends have, even when circumstances are totally different. Why is it so easy to do, and without us even realizing we’re doing it? At Morning Watch this past week, I felt the Lord reminding me that our thoughts are not His thoughts; His thoughts are higher than ours. And when we compare our lives, and our children, and our husbands and wives to something else, we are seeing things distorted, and with an unGodly perspective. We have to learn to see things the way God does, without looking through the scope of envy and discontentment. He has a unique and perfect plan for each of us individually, and to let our hearts be lured by anything else is unsafe and unwise.
God, thank you for the family you’ve blessed me with. Thank you for the joy and the companionship they bring me. Help me not to get bogged down with all the little frustrations that come along with raising 3 small children. Help me to see my children as you see them, in the way that you created them uniquely and individually glorious. Help me to see them as wonderful even when they aren’t getting along, and when they aren’t obeying, and even when they just can’t seem to be potty-trained. Help me to not be distracted by what I see in other children. Keep me focused on the children you have given me, and the plan for their lives. And use every frustration that rises up in me to create a more patient and compassionate mommy. And God, help me to never take for granted the husband you have given me…my companion, my support, my best friend. Help me, even in the midst of those nerve-racking habbits, to see him as the one you have designed for me. Take every expectation that has been built up in my mind that is not from You and cast it down. Take every annoyance and use it to make me into a more patient and supportive wife. And Father, when I start to feel overwhelmed with everything, remind me that these “momentary light afflictions” are working something bigger in me, and I am on my way to a better me.
So I decided to finally take some time today and dedicate it to my blog, and I discovered that my last entry was back in May, right before Justice’s birthday! That has to be some sort of blogging crime. The truth is, I got a little busy and neglectful, as we all do some times, but then I started to feel uninspired…like I really didn’t have anything significant to share. And to be even more truthful, I still do. I still feel like my thoughts aren’t complete and my ideas are vague, but I have decided to overcome this funk I have gotten into and just write.
So…this Holiday Season has already been so wonderfully awesome with the purchase of our first home. YAY!!
Why, my soul, are you downcast?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.
Surely you have granted [me] eternal blessingsand made [me] glad with the joy of your presence.
Justice will be turning 1 in less than a month! Where does the time go?