It has been far too long since I have written. I won’t bother with excuses, although I have some great ones. For now it will suffice just to say that LIFE has been happening. I’ll elaborate, I’m sure, someday, on the journey I’ve been on this past year, but not now. I am taking this moment now to renew my commitment to write. I am going to do my best to overcome all of my perfectionistic tendencies that has hindered the creativity and enjoyment that comes with expressing myself through words. No more “I don’t have enough time to get it just right.” I am going to write. I’m going to write even if my work is less than distinguished. I’m going to write even if my ideas aren’t completely developed. I’m going to write even if it shows my shortcomings. I’m going to forget all the things that are supposed to make a good writer, and I’m going to ignore my need to be a good writer, and I’m going to just simply write…because I want to…because it’s fun.
On this first Wednesday morning of the year, I’d like to renew my committment to my blog. Life has thrown us a couple of curve balls, in recent months, that distracted me from my desire to write. Lots of up and downs, some really big ups, and even some really big downs, have made their way into our lives. But through them all, the Lord has been near to us. He has been right here close, never far away.
Jesus is so good at making things new and good, and just when I didn’t think I could feel anything else but pain, He came and gave me joy. There is a deeper knowing that can come out of the place of sorrow and loss, and through it comes an intimate understanding of how blessed those are who mourn, for they are comforted.
Jesus is still healing my heart. It takes time to mend such deep hurts, but it’s just a matter of time. And in the meantime, He is near to me, closer than a brother. I am being loved by Love Himself, and I am being comforted by The Comforter.
So once again, I have the desire to write again, and this is my committment…to spend some time (some time) every Wednesday morning doing a little writing. And maybe I will find some time in other places of my week to devote to my blog too, at least that is my hope. I once read that “The desire to write grows with writing.” I hope to find that true. And perhaps it will lead to more healing, and to something that will glorify the Lord.
So I have let myself lose track of time again. And once again, I have let too much time pass without writing anything. Even though I haven’t met it in a long time, I set a little personal goal for myself of writing at least once a week. Writing is important to me. I love to do it for many reasons, and I actually use to be fairly good at it. It started out as my first career choice with print journalism being my first major. But I quickly learned that it would suit me better to leave writing as something I could just do for enjoyment on the side. So I changed my major to early childhood education, then more specifically to special education. Which, in a way, is what I am doing now…I am educating my 3 children (all 5 and under) in a very specialized, one-0n-one style through home school. But I often wonder, now that life has brought me this far (married, 3 young kids, and possibly more in the future) without having actually completed my formal degree, “Will I ever go back and finish school?” “And if so, what will I do?” “Continue with education, or perhaps go back to my first choice of writing?” “Maybe I could teach writing?” “What does my future hold?”
These are the thoughts I am thinking as I have a just a few moments of quiet while the kids are napping, and before I must continue with my long list of chores today.