Lord, I Need Help

My heart is heavy tonight.  What started out as a great morning turned into a “let’s-stay-on-track” noon time, and a “let’s-pull-it-back-together” afternoon time,  and a “we-can-still-turn-things-around” evening, and a “what-in-the-world-happened?” bedtime.  R-O-L-L-E-R-C-O-A-S-T-E-R – the only word that I think adequately describes the emotional state that we have all been in.  And I’m totally aware that the madness that has been going on originates with me.  I’m suppose to be the peace and joy and stability of our home, but instead I have just been a wreck.  I feel so raw, like my heart is bleeding.  Yep, that’s me – the bleeding heart- only not in the usual sense.  I am far too apt to lose my happiness these days, and I am too quick to begin feeling hopeless.  I feel so weakened by the sorrow I have experienced that the normal, every-day little trials have been getting the best of me.  This week started out rather good.  I felt happy, energetic, and ready to tackle all of my responsibilities.  But as each day has passed, I have felt more and more run down by from all the running around and trying to get caught up on and staying on top of things, and tonight I am just purely exhausted.  Each trip to town, every load of laundry, all the dirty dishes and scattered toys, every minute of school, and all the trying of my patience - it has all just wiped me out.  My strength is failing; I’m wearing out.  I feel the way Bilbo Baggins described in The Fellowship of The Ring, “Thin, like butter scraped over too much bread.”  And as I’m sitting here saying all of this to myself, I realize that I need more of God…much, much more of God, cause what I have isn’t enough.  Or perhaps I have it all wrong, because He has already given all there is to give.  Maybe it’s that I need to give Him much, much more of me.  Yes, that seems right.  That would be the better way, the easier yoke, the lighter burden.

Lord, I need help.  I know I can do nothing in my own strength, but it seems that I have been trying.  Why is it so easy for me to forget that I don’t have to?  But I am weary, and once again I turn to you.  I am calling out to you for a strength exchange.  All I have are ashes and heaviness, but I know you can make them into something beautiful. I will gladly take your joy for my weakness.  Just lay Your hands on me Lord, and I will be brand new.

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